Toronto’s Hottest New…
Toronto’s Hottest New Restaurants are:
1. BarBar
Located inside an abandoned Swiss Chalet, this new dining concept from an ex-MasterChef Canada contestant and a guy who just “knows vibes” has gone all out.
This place has everything:
Deconstructed mozzarella sticks
Hand tossed Caesar salad (literally tossed across the room)
A wine list exclusively made up of “house red”
A waiter who takes your order, but only in a whisper
A pasta dish that comes with a personal handwritten apology from the chef
A table side performance of your order being read aloud dramatically, like a wedding speech
Instead of a dessert menu, you’re handed a note that says ‘Just go to Dairy Queen’
The wine glasses are actually vases
There’s no menu - just an edible QR code that takes you to a google forms personality test, which determines your meal.
And if you’re lucky, you’ll get seated at the divorce table - a single candlelit booth in the middle of the room where people go to break up in public.
2. Blo (But You’ll Never Get In)
Ever wanted to drop half your rent on a tasting menu you booked six months ago? Blo is for you.
This place has everything:
A host who never actually makes eye contact
A wine pairing that includes “a whisper of disappointment”
A butter dish that costs more than your utilities
A server who asks, “Any allergies?” but won’t accommodate them
The real draw? The special table - a single seat in the hallway where you get to watch rich people pretend they understand foie gras.
Toronto’s Hottest New Clubs are:
1. WRNG DOOR
Ever wished a club felt more like a stressful group project? Then you need to check out WRNG DOOR - a secret basement venue under a Cannabis Store on Queen West where the bouncers make you solve a riddle before getting in.
This place has everything:
A cover charge that changes every 15 minutes
A lineup so long, it has its own second lineup
A bathroom line longer than the lineup outside
A guy in a Canada Goose jacket who refuses to check it because “he doesn’t trust coat check”
A dance floor that doubles as a pop-up pilates class at midnight
A DJ who pauses every 10 minutes to yell “WHERE MY SAGITTARIUSES AT?!”
A strict “no requests” policy, but the DJ will still play “Mr. Brightside” three times
A girl in head-to-toe Aritzia asking if she can bum a cigarette
A signature shot that’s just espresso martini foam served in a thimble
A girl in the bathroom convincing everyone to break up with their boyfriend
A guy in the bathroom saying “bro I swear I saw Drake here once”
A DJ named Randy who only plays remixes of the Law & Order theme song
Bottle service that’s just boxed wine poured into a humidifier
An afters invitation that leads to a condo in CityPlace
Plus, if you’re feeling adventurous, there’s a mystery bathroom door - one leads to an actual washroom, the other leads to a locked storage closet where you must wait out your bad decisions.
2. Drake’s Basement
A vibe or just a basement with a Pinterest mood board?
Drakes Basement has everything:
A lineup full of people saying “I know the DJ”
An overpriced vodka soda served in an actual Solo cup
A guy in a beanie who won’t stop talking about his startup
A bathroom so dimly lit that it feels like an escape room
Feeling nostalgic? Stick around for indie sleaze night where someone will inevitably play an MGMT song and spill a drink on your shoes.
Toronto’s Hottest New Wholesome Experiences are:
1. soft block
Think of this as an adult daycare meets a Wes Anderson fever dream.
Located in a reclaimed LCBO, soft block is a calming space where you can do normal things but in a way that feels curated.
This place has everything:
A cloud-gazing room
A VR experience where you can fold a load of laundry and every sock has a match
A Build-A-Bear for people who missed out on childhood nostalgia
A barista named Todd who will write you a sonnet instead of asking for your order
If you need to reset, sign up for their most popular workshop: “Relearning How to Have Fun Without Buying a $17 Matcha.”
2. Towrd Market
Part shipping container, part millennial influencer trap, Towrd Market is what happens when capitalism cosplays as community. If you’ve ever wanted to pay $18 for something in a compostable cup while a DJ remixes Bon Iver, this is your place.
This place has everything:
A vintage store that’s just a pile of secondhand Carhartt
A “co-working space” that’s just a picnic table with a ring light
An “artisan hot dog pop-up” that costs $14, locally sourced wiener on a brioche bun
A kombucha brand with an attitude problem and a tagline that threatens you
A candle-making workshop where you leave feeling both enlightened and financially drained
A sign that says "support local" next to a price tag that suggests you shouldn’t
Want something even more exclusive? Find the secret hammock lounge… an area with three swings, two hours of direct sunlight, and a waitlist longer than a Michelin-starred restaurant.
april fools
hehe